Iowa Coach Sells Soul to Devil


Herky Hawkeye



Iowa City

The University of Iowa ’s football team had an inexplicable turnaround on Saturday in their game against Indiana. Despite lackluster play and numerous mistakes, Iowa had a supernatural comeback against the Hoosiers, all after an instant replay ruling overturned an obvious Indiana  touchdown late in the 3rd quarter. Fans at Kinnick Stadium watched as Iowa picked off a pass that actually hung in the air like a piñata, then saw hyper reality take over as the Hawkeyes scored 28  points in the game’s final 15 minutes. “Something happened,” said Ernest Dumpster, a honey dipper from Dubuque . “That was some weird shit, and believe me, I know shit.”

The explanation has to do with Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz who, according to insiders who asked to remain unnamed, sold his soul to the Devil during a television timeout late in the 3rd quarter. Ferentz was unavailable for comment but a team insider said that a cloven hooved, humpbacked and be-horned goat-like creature with a face like former U.S. President Bill Clinton was seen escorting Ferentz into a gray van with just minutes remaining in the timeout.

Dag Darkling, a professor at Union Theological Seminary says that the game’s final score, Iowa 42 and Indiana 24 is the proof of Satanic forces being involved. “42” can be added into six, and so can 24, so that’s 66 and Iowa had five interceptions and a fumble so that’s another 6. And everybody knows what that means.”

“It’s the Devil’s odor that’s a real giveaway, he smells like burning glee,” said Darkling.

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