Month: May 2009

By now everyone knows that Sarah Palin (who is the putative governor of Alaska and a former Republican Vice Presidential candidate)  likes to be photographed in the company of dead or dying animals.

This is what anthropologists call “a primary need” and what the heck–so what she needs dead critters to feel the sparkle of her inner life?

Liberals and moderates should try to understand this. You see, dead things have a radio-theric quality–that is, they give off minute electrostatic signals that only the most rarefied human beings can receive. These special human beings who I will call “Dead- Flesh Radio Receptive Hominids” are actually healed of illnesses when they are surrounded by defunct animals.

IN ancient times such people were called “stay at home moms” since the men would bring the bounty of the hunt back to the cave and some of the women would leap to their feet (where formerly they had been nearly comatose in the dank and bosky darkness) and they would be restored to giggling animation.

Men can experience the therapy of dead critters as well. Apparently men can also experience the joy of dead fish. Women don’t seem to care for dead fish. Some scientists believe that men are related to dogs but that’s another story.

When Sarah Palin leans back on a dead bear she is being healed. My Finnish grandmother could tell you about the benefits of rubbing yourself with a cat’s skin. Its nothing. Its just like aspirin.

All those blue state people who think Sarah Palin is trying to be Caribou Barbie or a mega-biker-chick are missing the point.

Sarah Palin has gout.

 

S.K. 

 

Headlines are everywhere. The airlines are furious with Vice President Biden for his remarks urging people to avoid air travel and crowded spaces. 

 

Me? I’m so beyond Joe. I think people should avoid the airlines in the United States because they stink.

 

The seats smell. The air filters are never replaced. They don’t have running water in the restrooms. They don’t clean the shit off the flors between flights. They stink. They stink. They stink and they stink and they stink.

I’d ratehr travel by donkey cart sitting in moldy hay than fly on most of the regional airlines in this country. You think I’m kidding? Don’t kid me. I’ve seen it all. Diapers in the magazine racks; half a sandwich on the floor under my seat. (My dog found it.) Who knows how many snots and boogers there are on the arm rests?

 

Joe Biden was right. People should avoid flying. If not for the swine flu let’s just say in the service of general health.

 

I won’t talk about the rudeness of airline employees who routinely treat people with disabilities like simpletons or burdens or worse.

 

I’ll just stick with the smell.

 

They stink.

 

S.K.

 

They stink.

 

Graz, Austria

 

Tourists are fighting at a near table

In this cafe close by the mountain,

Something about losing the map or the tickets

My French isn’t what it used to be.

Borges I remember your witty comment on the Falklands war,

Britain and Argentina

“two bald men fighting over a comb”.

It was worse than that of course:

Thousands of children dead for an ink stain.

Still I like these mornings out of the library

Taking the lottery of blind streets wherever the numbers fall.

NO one should confuse aestheticism with sightlessness

Or imperial ambitions with the washroom.

I hold close to strange paths in every city.

In general, meeting people there

Is the antidote to showing off one’s clothes.

 

 

S.K.