Publishing Poems on the Internet

        —for Ralph Savarese and Sam Pereira 

Staid Ianthe unbuttons for me
Though I don’t subscribe to Poetry;
Here’s Childe Harold “refreshed”

(The mode is attic—not so much
Of fashion, misbehaved but touched)
The old girl says a poem is where

We find it…We looked in the reviews,
Found a few quirts to approve,
Short poems as Poe would have them—

We were “turned on” and juicy
Like any reader who’s sappy
But most of the stuff was, well

You know—earnest, too steady
For joy—childish, wanting concurrence
Which, as Byron understood

Will ruin the dinner party
“And yet methinks the older that one grows
Inclines us more to laugh than scold, though laughter

Leaves us so doubly serious shortly after.”
The little magazines are a drear matter
No amusements there; no champagne no lobster

As Ianthe puts it, and her sisters
Agree, water logged though they are
Drowning beats a moistureless journal…

Well here it is, my first blog post of 2023…

Well here it is, my first blog post of 2023, an occasion for my loyal readers (who’ve come to expect perspicacity’s child to deliver the goods on important days.)

Alright. Ahem. Fuck Vladimir Putin.

I don’t know about you but I feel better.

And the same goes for his North American apologists. We know who they are.

Here’s where I experience one of those Jim Gaffigan sotto voce moments: “can’t he say something positive on the first day of the new year?”

Fuck Putin and Tucker Carlson.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins?

Answer: the world…

Here’s to the US media being true to the story:

Putin is committing genocide against the people of Ukraine.

They’re not currently bombing my house but I’m in this war. They’re not killing my immediate neighbors but I’m grieving and shaking my puny fist. When I plumb the depths of myself I’ve only nursery rhymes and the golden rule. After fifty years of reading great books this is all I have. Baa Baa Blacksheep and Do Unto Others. War scrambles everything. I’m enraged and weeping. Putin long ago perfected warfare against civilians. How do you like your bromides now little man?

**

Not so long ago I took a train to New York City just to walk around. I’m shocked and winnowed. Walking without a destination. Blind walking. Standing beside a food cart and smelling the chestnuts. I wonder how many others are doing this? Absorbing precious seconds against the backdrop of terror?

Keep believing in life. Keep believing in strangers.

First thing in New York and following in Auden’s footsteps I went into a dive bar. The bartender welcomed me and my guide dog. I drank an Irish lager. The dog had some water. Keep believing in strangers.

**

Putin puts strangers together who evince the larger goodness of humanity. It’s a shame they must meet while enraged and weeping.

Old Face

And one day you are old. You take out your astrolabe and realize you’re not so old as all that, but you’re a man and so, despite all the American promises of eternal life through consumption, you are finally a grey fungus in the garden. You decide this isn’t so bad. You are the best of the fungi. The moles come and touch their noses to your head. Children think of you as a little house. But yes you are old. In private you laugh about it. In public you put on that grim face called “getting on with it” which younger people interpret as heartlessness. In fact its the opposite of heartlessness, its the countenance of too much feeling.

**

“Getting older happens suddenly. It’s like swimming out to sea and realising that the shore you’re making for isn’t the shore where you started out.”

― Jeanette Winterson, The Gap of Time

Of course if you’re disabled as I am, and have been so for a long time as I have, the shore you’re intending for was always imaginary, a place of fictive acceptance and so being old simply magnifies how unreal this always was for now you’re blind and old and thereby doubly ignorable. Sometimes you tell yourself being ignored is the best of the matter. That’s because you’re a two-fold problem in the public square and they let you know it. You realize you need a tee shirt that reads: “I’m the best mushroom in the garden.”

**

Some days a silent language is all you need.

Once, riding a train in Finland I sat beside three old women. They knew one another well. You could see it in their postures, their long familiarity. One was knitting. One had a book. The third looked out the window. Every now and then one of them would say a confirmatory thing—“snowing again” or “coffee?” It was easy to be in their company. I was a young man writing poetry and starting to sense the delicacies of language and consciousness. “Snowing again” had traveled ten thousand years to be spoken just then, just there.

In the USA they don’t understand this kind of thing. The young, who mostly don’t like themselves are battering and bartering in the terror state of post-industrial capitalism and therefore, alas, they imagine silence and moving slowly are twin defeats. They could be right, but only one day a week. The rest of time belongs to the heartsore old who’ve found ways to make agreements with dwindling.

**

As a boy I remember other boys taunting me for being blind. Some threw stones. Melancholy isn’t sadness. It comes later and steals up on you from within. Today we call it depression but like everything else with our language it doesn’t capture the nuances and tinctures of melancholy which are composed of love and desperation and something akin to crying for the moon. But whatever its recipe melancholy started for me that day in 1960 when the boys threw stones and sang a song about me and I retreated to the unoccupied spaces for the miserably identified—places oh so familiar to children and adults with disabilities. Oh I’ve squeezed some poetry out of those attics and bomb shelters. Melancholy may not be the muse but she’s got her number. And melancholy loves anyone who cries for the moon. 

You’re old now, so when you cry for the moon you do it differently than you did it as a child. The song these days is about the moon’s effect on the night grass and not about lost love.

Reading George Will on Christmas Morning…

There are many ways to ruin a holiday and some involve reading. On Christmas morning I read George Will’s “Washington Post” column on higher education. Mr. Will thinks colleges and universities have become bloated compounds of political correctness, enforcing “pc values” on forlorn students and faculty. He blames this able-bodied, white man’s gotterdamerung on diversity, equity and inclusion offices and argues that diversity awareness stands in opposition to the good, fair minded curricula of a bygone age. One wonders when that was? Was it at Harvard when they were teaching Theodore Roosevelt the “white man’s burden” or when they were treating Helen Keller as a specious curiosity to be regarded on sufferance? Perhaps it was when the gays stayed in their closets and no people of color ever troubled the washrooms or the imagination? Will and his conservative ilk claim that the untidy democratization of the agora has ruined their guest towels. As a disabled man who’s struggled to get an education, who knows that the history of the marginalized can’t be understood without scholarship, I charge Will with having an ugly design: to stamp out inquiry with greater intolerance than anyone who seeks to embrace multiculturalism.

In the middle of everything…

In the middle of everything
Walking winter streets
With an empty drinking glass

**

In this imagined
Small city
With a great library
Of philosophy

**

Sitting alone
Future outcomes
In the fingers
Of my gloves

**

Call me when
You’re ready
To talk about
Poetry as
What can’t be said
Out loud

**

In the middle of everything
Trees tell the time
The dappled trees

**

Talking a great deal
About the nature of life
Without vocabulary

**

Seeing what can be had
(Even blind)
Before it all
Goes away

**

Moon snow laughter
Its not winter
Its the heart’s shared ice

If you ask me about late day shadows…

If you ask me about late day shadows
I can give you an impression—
They are like the face within a face

As with so many things
The fierce beauties…

**

Poets have much to say
About what we never become
Ruin and river—
The threads in life’s coat

**

Speak to the weather
Its the oldest artwork of all
On the street in winter
You can see people talking to themselves

**

I think of Auden’s line: “All we are not stares back at what we are.”
Where is home from here?

**

With people
Come the hours
And the language of hours
But I prefer the first winter
When shelter was all

**

Thinking of Auden in Winter Rain…

Funny man
Raise your little fist—
Time says nothing
Water on your wrist

You know the towns I think…

You know the towns I think
Where, passing through
You say to yourself
“This was the best they could do”

**

When the day is insufficient
Minutes not feeding me
Up river go the words
The outcast words
Oh anything will do

**

I was a lonely child
I couldn’t see and I’d go outside
and shout “Is anybody out here?”
Sometimes other kids wouldn’t answer
Why play with the blind kid—
he just ruins the baseball game?

Is anybody out here?

**

Trees in a light grey indefinite
The look of snow just fallen

**

I come home half forgetting who I am,
Checking myself—who walked the bridge,
Held a confidence, affirmed love
From branching directions?

Sadness comes from another life
To which we’re returning

A Little Book

Each day I attempt some beauty, the old fashioned thing, strange as an antimacassar fringe or a stray smile from a horse. Memory plays a role in this. That perfect fish skeleton stripped clean by our housecoat and my blind boy’s hands working across its ribs.

Oh and the sounds of radios from open windows while walking home from school. Old beauties are still chance things. They come without a plan. Kelp at the ocean. My grandfather’s fountain pen with its dark design.

It’s snowing and I play Mahler on the hifi. I should be worth something by now. I should have helped you.

Beauty, Disability, and Life Itself

I am a writer who speaks about the importance of disability as a dynamic of power which means I believe cripples are at the center of life itself. Perhaps another way to say this is that life is imperfection regardless of whatever Richard Dawkins might say. (Dawkins understands DNA as a purity symbol rather than a concatenation of genetic mistakes.) (One may think of Dawkins and all social Darwinists this way.) (It is altogether splendid to see Jeremy Bentham taxidermed with his head down by his feet.)

Disability is life itself. Not an idea about life; not a held breath and a prayer; not a shrug or shudder. As the poet Marvin Bell once put it, life will blow you apart. I’m often in the position of urging the temporarily normal to admit that life is nefarious, thrilling, dark, urgent, and never without dynamism. All the sad metaphors employed against disability are failures of the intellect.

The random errors which produce “junk” DNA–the mutations in our genes, are in fact, wait for it, “random.” Richard Dawkins is weak in this area as he prefers the ghost in the machine that’s always looking to improve itself, an idea which no respectable paleo-geneticist believes.

Disability is neither good or evil. It’s a natural fact. And it makes for beauty just as anything will if it’s understood properly.

So forgive me for starting with a grayness but as I recently joked with a paralyzed friend, “I feel like a battered old fish with many dents in his flesh”—the context—that it’s not probable I’ll see the advances I’d hoped for us when the Americans with Disabilities Act was enacted over a quarter century ago. I’m old enough to be feeling what academics call accidie, a weariness, and if I’m not defeated I’m suspicious. Shorthand: we haven’t gotten far enough, and daily the news is incontestable. The “fish conceit” is what can happen to believers and how not to become the fish is the story (mine and yours) since disability bias surrounds us. (Bias is a story with many chapters like Bocaccio and knowing it never renders comfort, though if you’re a bigot you may enjoy schadenfreude. I once had an “iffy” friend who practiced “vengeance fantasy”—as he said, doing it nearly as much as he masturbated, seeing his enemies staked out in the Colosseum with lions chewing at their entrails, etc. He’d rub his hands and imitate Charles Laughton: “how do you like your God now, Christian?”)

Bias is a variorum edition. My spotty pal really meant what he said—if he’d had his way he’d have fried you in oil. Everyone has his own grayness. Discrimination, personified, wants us to join the Centurions, at least inside, and its first sign is indifference. In my experience street theater is one way to resist it. Thirty years ago when I was a Fulbright Scholar in Helsinki, Finland I went one night to a gritty, working class bar where I was accosted by a wildly drunken laborer. Everyone was painfully drunk–that manly near death atavistic Viking berserk hallucination of everything, and I thought: “all these years, so many wounds, so few praises.” That was when a man I did not know turned to me and said: “You are a Jew!” “You’re right,” I said, since I was young and in love with poetry, “I am a Jew!” It was the first time I’d ever felt the pins of anti-Semitism, I, a Lutheran with a long beard. He reached for me then but missed and grabbed another man. “You are a Jew!” he shouted. “No, it is I,” I said, “I am the Jew!” But it was too late. They were on the floor and cursing, two men who had forgotten the oldest notion of them all: in Jewish history there are no coincidences.

As Kurt Vonnegut would say, “bias is a clunker” and though it must be taken seriously, if you’re one of its chapter headings having a shield of irony becomes essential. You’re a cripple. You don’t belong in here. Don’t belong on this website, on this campus, don’t belong in a customary place of business. For years I used to carry custom made stickers depicting the universal disability access symbol inside a red circle with a line through it. I’d paste them on the doors of inaccessible restaurants and academic buildings and the like. I really need to get more of them but I can’t remember where I they came from, and as I say, I’m in danger of weariness. Dear young Cripples, I’ve been fighting a long time. Thank God for ADAPT. And don’t stop fighting. But don’t stop laughing either. As the great disability writer and activist Neil Marcus says: “Disability is not a ‘brave struggle’ or ‘courage in the face of adversity’…Disability is an art. it’s an ingenious way to live.”

Once while I was teaching at The Ohio State University I was invited to a meeting with a dozen faculty and former astronaut and Senator John Glenn. We discussed the future of digital teaching. Afterwards I boarded a Columbus City bus only to face a woman who loudly asked if she “could pray for me”. She assumed blindness was a sad matter—or worse—a sign I needed spiritual rescue. My guide dog shook his collar. Suddenly I felt wickedly improvisational. I stood up, grabbed the overhead pedestrian bar, and announced loudly so every passenger could hear: “Certainly Madame you may pray for me, but only if I can pray for you, and in turn pray for all the sad souls on this bus—souls buttressed on all sides by tragedies and losses, by DNA and misadventures in capitalism, for we’re all sorrowing Madame, we’re all chaff blown by the cruel winds of post-modernism. Let us pray, now, together; let’s all hold hands!” She fled the bus at the next stop. Strangers applauded. Improvisation allows us to force the speed of associational changes, transforming the customs of disability life. Disability Studies scholar Petra Kuppers writes: If the relations between embodiment and meaning become unstable, the unknown can emerge not as site of negativity but as the launch pad for new explorations. By exciting curiosities, by destabilizing the visual as conventionalized primary access to knowledge, and by creating desires for new constellations of body practice, these disability performances can attempt to move beyond the known into the realm of bodies as generators of positive difference.

The polarizations, magnetic fields of crippledness are generators. It is not true that rebellion simply makes us old. We’re old when we give up.

And yet…the fights before us are promising to be both rewarding and very hard.

Dear young Cripple: I have the happenstance blues. They’re both accidental (aleatoric) and whatever is the opposite of accident, which, depending on your point of view might have something to do with the means of production, racial determinism from same, or all the other annotated bigotries of the culture club. As a disabled writer I know a good deal about the culture club. Now back to my happenstance blues…

I’m right here. I’m terribly inconvenient. Blind man at conference. Blind man in the lingerie shop. All built environments are structured and designed strategically to keep my kind out. My kind includes those people who direct their wheelchairs with breathing tubes, amble with crutches, speak with signs, type to speak, roll oxygen tanks, ask for large print menus or descriptive assistance. I’m here standing against the built geographical concentrations of capital development. I’m here. I’m the penny no one wants anymore. My placement is insufficiently circulatory in the public spaces of capital. Which came first, the blues or the architectural determinism that keeps me always an inconvenience?

Capital creates landscapes and determines how the gates will function. Of course there was a time before capital accumulation. It’s no coincidence the disabled were useful before capitalism. The blind were vessels of memory. The blind recited books. Disability is a strategic decision. Every disabled person either knows this or comes a cropper against the gates when they least expect it.

What interests me is how my happenstance-disability-blues are exacerbated by neoliberal capital accumulation. For accumulation one must thing of withholding money from the public good or dispossession, which is of course how neoliberal capital works. Here is geographer David Harvey in an interview, talking about just this:

Accumulation by dispossession is about dispossessing somebody of their assets or their rights. Traditionally there have been rights which have common property, and one of the ways in which you take these away is by privatizing them. We’ve seen moves in recent years to privatize water. Traditionally, everybody had had access to water, and [when] it gets privatized, you have to pay for it. We’ve seen the privatization of a lot of education by the defunding of the public sector, and so more and more people have to turn to the private sector. We’ve seen the same thing in health care.

What we’re talking about here is the taking away of universal rights, and the privatization of them, so it [becomes] your particular responsibility, rather than the responsibility of the state. One of the proposals which we now have is the privatization of Social Security. Social Security may not be that generous, but it’s universal and everybody has part of it. What we are now saying is, “That shouldn’t be; it should be privatized,” which, of course, means that people will then have to invest in their own pension funds, which means more money goes to Wall Street. So this is what I call privatization by dispossession in our particular circumstance.

At the neoliberal university and all its concomitant conferences, workshops, and “terms abroad” (just to name some features of higher ed where my own disability has been problematized) the provision of what we call “reasonable accommodations” under the Americans with Disabilities Act is often considered to be in opposition to accumulation. For instance: I was asked to teach a term abroad in Istanbul. When I pointed out that Istanbul isn’t a guide dog friendly city and that I’d have trouble with the traffic and requested a sighted guide accompany me there, I was told this was too expensive. Think about it! One additional human being to keep me from getting run over was too expensive! The “term abroad” was actually designed to accumulate capital, right down to the lint in each student’s and instructor’s pockets. I decided to avoid getting run over and didn’t go.

Privatized culture means everything, including your safety is your own responsibility. I’m in mind of this. I’m not fooled.

Yet I declare cripples are beautiful and we’re at the whirling heart of this life and never at the edges of the constellations.