What I Thought While Running the San Francisco Half Marathon

By Andrea Scarpino

West Coast Bureau Chief POTB

 

The hills. Dear god. Hill after hill, steep and long. Head down. Forward lean.

Water stations. My stomach starts to cramp. I try the carbohydrate water, swish the sweet yellow drink around my mouth, hope for the best.

David Paterson, a runner, the first African American Governor of New York, and legally blind. My stomach on fire and the hills burning my legs, I think about Paterson running with a guide, as well as guiding others as they run. Sometimes we follow. Sometimes we lead.

The tattoo I will get after the race. My dad, how he always told me to “run like hell” if anything bad happened. How I’m taking his advice literally. The sky. Ocean mist clearing from the streets as the sun rises. The ocean visible when we finally reach the top of a hill, start running to the sea.

Lunch, all the food I’m going to eat, cheesecake, ice cream. Barack Obama. Health care. My stride. My breath. My feet. Zac running next to me. The man banging a tinny drum on the sidelines. Answers to trivia questions posted along the route. The sun. Sunscreen. I count backwards from ten. Three miles left. The sun is beginning to break through the mist. A man passes me talking on the phone to his friend. I count backwards in French.

One mile left. We’re walking, Zac and I, my stomach cramps slowing us both down. A woman on the sidelines makes eye contact. “You can do it,” she says. “Finish strong.” What cheesy advice. And yet, I begin to run again. The Finish Line. I count each breath, count as each foot strikes the ground. I pick up my pace, run over the sensors on the ground. Relief. I can feel my legs shake. Water. Water, now.

 

Andrea Scarpino lives in Los Angeles and is a poet and activist running for a better world. You can visit her at: www.andreascarpino.com

Sitting on a Cornflake Waiting for the Van to Come

Does the line above “mean” anything? What could John Lennon have been trying to say? Is that a real cornflake? Is the van a reference to the loony bin? If so, then are we to presume that sitting on bits of breakfast cereal will help ease the time you must wait in order to be incarcerated?

This is the kind of nonsense that today’s middle aged Baby Boomers were contemplating when they were 14. No one can tell me that compulsive cell phone texting is any worse. I just can’t buy the “end of civilization” crowd’s endless disparagement of the young. Gibberish can’t hurt you. God knows it might even be good for the limbic systems. Let us have more gibberish. It beats listening to propaganda from the insurance industry or the military industrial fetishists.

Meanwhile the dead, my own personal dead, are waiting for their bread to rise on the blue plates of the afterlife. They wave their remnant jewelry in the broken light of heaven. Nothing has to mean anything out there. There beyond where the sky does its notational work.      

 

S.K.

Last Night I Dreamt of Oscar Wilde

He was the old Oscar Wilde, exophthalmic, looking too thin. He told me that a conspiracy of gentlemen pedarists  had ruined him. “The trick,” he said, “is to reshape the shield of irony into a plough–Whitman told me this.”  

It is marvelous to have the unconscious as a field.

Day comes. The sublime notations of sleep are half erased. I can’t remember what else Mr. Wilde had to say. I remember there was a small house beside a ruined orchard.

I assume the dream continues outside the waking man. Small, black, 19th century sheep are eating the windfall apples. Wilde stares at the fast moving clouds.

 

S.K. 

More About the Toilet Boys

The toilet pictured below is made by Gerber and its identical to the mysterious toilet I wrote about earlier this morning. The toilet boys came twice today and after installing a new tank they discovered that indeed my toilet looks pink in our upstairs bathroom because of the lighting . Yep. We hauled the various parts into the adjacent room where amazingly enough the toilet parts looked nice and white. But when they are installed in our guest bathroom they turn pinkish like the nightgowns in a Wallace Stevens poem. The toilet boys were quite surprised. They have installed billions and billions of crappers and never before have they encountered this kind of optical anomaly. Meanwhile, in the spirit of fairness I must opine that the toilet boys are blameless. They did not in fact install a pink toity as a means of cutting corners with a blind customer. The damned thing is white in any other room but the bathroom. I have read countless essays on aesthetics. This is clearly a neo-Platonic puzzle. Does the “ideal” toilet change its color in accordance with the light or does it always look the same? Is a pink toilet lighter to carry than a white one? I forgot to ask the toilet boys about this. And of course the moral of this tale is don’t buy a house.  

Toilet

 

S.K.

Waiting for the Toilet Installers to Arrive and Replace the Pink Toilet with a White One Department

First I should tell you that the toilet boys are subcontractors. Everyone is a subcontractor nowadays. Need a filling for your tooth? The dentist will be right back but in the meantime Dr. Squatch will be happy to take care of you. He's "board certified" in Malibu. And he knows all about pain management. Many patients prefer him to the real dentist we're told.

The toilet boys came to my house last week and replaced two commodes. Or to be more specific: the commodes and the tanks. Toilets are two part affairs, even nowadays, some 150 years after Sir Thomas Crapper first flushed his flusher for Queen Victoria. I suppose I knew this. Like you I know lots of stuff. For instance one of the early Christian saints lives inside my chimney and he occasionally blows soot into my living room to remind me of my moral obligations. But I digress.

Toilets are two part inventions and that's all you need to know. The toilet boys installed the crappers and fled.

My mistake was to tell them I was blind. If you're new to this game take some advice from me: never never tell the toilet boys you can't see. Its best to act like Al Pacino driving that Ferrari and fooling the traffic cop by pretending to look him dead in the eye. Look the toilet boys right in the eye. Tell 'em the dead crappers are upstairs. Tell 'em not to track feathers on the rug. Whatever. Just leave the blindness out of the affair.

I revealed my blindness to the toilet boys because they were doing the subcontractor fandango. Here's how it works: we're in your house and we can fix your toilets but we really don't want to fix your toilets since that necessitates actually procuring the new toilets which in turn requires us to drive to "Toilet Town" and pick up the new machines (for indeed these are machines in the proper sense) and we don't want to do this–we'd rather that "you" the customer go to "Toilet Town" while we sit here on your wonderful front porch with its inviting rocking chairs. While you're away at "Toilet Town" we will eat our breakfasts and feed the rabbit who evidently lives under your lilac bush and we'll probably tell a couple of dirty jokes.

So of course I told them that I can't drive to "Toilet Town" because I can't see, etc. etc. Oh I tell you the Toilet Boys were crestfallen. But off they went.

When they came back with many boxes I didnt' think much about it. I was busy writing some recommendation letters for former students. I have always found that you can't write a good recommendation if you're thinking about toilets. I left the installation to the professionals.

They made lots of noises. And after an hour they told me they were done. They showed me the new toilets. They invited me to flush. Everyone was happy. They took the old toilets and drove away.

Ah but never never tell them you can't see. When my wife Connie got home and checked things out we discovered that the Toilet Boys had assembled a white commode with a pink tank. Why not? The blind guy won't notice. And probably the blind guy is married to a blind woman–isn't that the way it works? She won't notice either. Who wants to make two trips in one day to "Toilet Town"? Not me. Not me either. So let's just install pinky and get the hell out of Dodge.

Of course not everything is a disability story. For the sake of broad mindedness I should assume that the toilet boys were simply incapable of reading the box or, perhaps like many sighted people they weren't using their eyes at all. (Have you ever noticed how many sighted people become completely blind in airports? It turns out that when sighted people are feeling goal oriented they lose the ability to see what's in front of them. I'll write more on this in a subsequent post.)

Or maybe the toilet boys were suffering from toilet blindness. Its like snow blindness I imagine. If you stare at too many shiny white bowls and tanks you lose the ability to see colors.

Whatever the explanation there it was: a custom assembled pink and white toilet. It looked a bit like the Cadillac that Elvis bought for his mother.

Now I'm awaiting the return of the boys. How long will I wait today? That, as they say, is anybody's guess.

S.K.   

Swimming with Borges

 

In the swimming pool I see my city with my arms out, head to the side…

Friend, you can’t confound me with your architectures.

When I’m under water Proteus swims just behind…

All our lives we had to imagine what was before us:

Borges once saw in Buenos Aries cuneiform doors; houses of onyx with slim windows…

This city is festive as a prayer drum; clean as a votive dish.

Lap 10 I see retractile fingers of light.

I kid you not: cities are opaque as illuminated pages.

& some days there are no true cities on dry land. 

 

S.K.

Zen and the Art of Disability

The poet Gary Snyder is fond of a Zen Buddhist axiom: “When chopping wood for an axe handle, the model is not far off.” I’ve probably misquoted this slightly. I’m typing from a hotel room in Washington, DC and my connection is going to run out soon and I don’t have time to look this up. When we do anything that proposes the future the perfect model is there before us if we really look. As a person with a disability this is a hard principle to keep in mind. Where is the perfect model that I might see “before me” as I cut my wood for the still abstract axe handle?

Another way to strike this note is that cutting the raw wood is so much more complicated for people with disabilities. I have spent the past two and a half days at the Kennedy Center for the Arts at the invitation of the National Endowment for the Arts as part of a large working group of artists with disabilities from across the U.S. Our goal was to think about how to help promote careers in the arts for people with disabilities–how can we richly include pwds in our nation’s cultural life? What will the next ten years bring? What are the obstacles to disability inclusion? What are the creative solutions? How can government agencies help?

I felt graced to be among so many talented artists with disabilities. And yes, I felt graced to be among so many folks from federal agencies who might or might not have disabilities but who clearly understand the cultural importance and the economic goals that are behind this creative wood chopping.

We listened and talked and held working groups. We worked hard. We talked about young people and older people.

And then I went outside.

“Outside” is still a complex and ominous affair.

A cab driver pulled up in front of the Kennedy Center and he didn’t want my guide dog in his taxi.

Outside my hotel there’s a patch of grass. I was relieving my dog there when a security guard told me to get lost–that this was federal grass and I couldn’t have my dog there.

Of course I told him to identify himself; told him to get his supervisor; etc. And ultimately the supervisor apologized.

The point is that my woodpile is harder to chop than the non-disabled person’s pile. And as I chop like hell, sweat beading on my forehead, my veins standing out, muttering an old Finnish folk song to myself (as I often do) its easy to forget or lose sight of the perfect thing you are trying to make. Arguing with a security  guard about the federal grass I could be distracted from the perfect things we are trying to make. Prior to the grass man’s appearance I was having a thought about young people and poetry. 

The Finnish poet Jarkko Laine once wrote:

How sad! Everything!

And how cheap to say it out loud!

 

I like those lines for their wit. I carry Gary Snyder’s lines for their evident long range wisdom.

Meantime I’m dedicating this little blog post to the federal grass man because I think he might have an invisible disability. I can’t prove it. But I’ll bet he hasn’t been encouraged much. Encouragement is the big D issue in Democracy.

 

S.K.  

Henry Louis Gates and Contemporary Patterns in American Diversity

 

I have read and reread the stories concerning the arrest of Professor Henry Louis Gates of Harvard University. By now surely everyone in the United States who gives a tinker’s damn about civil rights is aware that Professor Gates was arrested by a Boston police officer after being interrogated inside his own home, and solely because a neighbor saw Professor Gates struggling to get into his house. The neighbor reported a potential break in. What’s clear about the matter is that Dr. Gates answered the cop’s basic questions: he had identification and could prove that he lived in the house. The police officer arrested Dr. Gates because frankly Gates was angry and because he accused the cop of engaging in racist tactics.

I’ve grown to feel that the story suggests something about the state of civil rights in contemporary America that is seldom overtly described but which I think is clearly at the root of this matter. You may call my perspective a “disability studies” view if you like. My sense is that this is not a 1960’s classic African-American civil rights matter–a bald and dreadful story of racial intolerance and bigotry–instead this incident is essentially “post-racial” and by turns it has everything to do with a new kind of American hostility to erratic public emotion. You see I think its a mistake to call this a story that’s solely about race. Dr. Gates lost his temper because he was being accosted in his own house and that was indeed a form of racial profiling. He was justified in losing his cool. But what got him arrested was his evident emotional state–that fight or flee condition that Daniel Goleman has called “a neurological highjacking”. In short, Dr. Gates was arrested because he was demonstrating human emotion.

I said above that this is a disability studies perspective. We read nowadays over and over again of teens with developmental disabilities being tasered by police; of elementary school children being restrained by teachers; of orderlies in group homes watching and even abetting fights between developmentally disabled men. The tales are legion and they speak to a broad and ungoverned intolerance and disdain for the excited and turbulent emotions of human beings who have been treated poorly by authority figures.

I think the same cop who wrongly arrested Henry Gates would also wrongly arrest a developmentally disabled kid who was having trouble processing too much information at the local 7-11.

The problem is with our police forces which have very limited training in how to employ emotional intelligence. This matters because a diverse society is a more complex and surprising society than your average American cop is willing or able to suppose.

 

S.K.

Senator Franken Hits the Ground Running with Service Dogs

 

We at Planet of the Blind just received the following excerpt from Fox News.

 

Franken Looks to Increase Number of Service Dogs for Veterans in First Legislation

Franken wrote in an opinion published Monday in the Star Tribune that his proposed pilot program will train “a statistically significant number of dogs” for veterans living with devastating injuries sustained on the battlefield.

FOXNews.com

Monday, July 20, 2009

In his first piece of legislation as Minnesota’s junior senator, Al Franken is looking to expand the number of service dogs available to wounded veterans.

Franken wrote in an opinion published Monday in the Star Tribune that his proposed pilot program will train “a statistically significant number of dogs” to measure the benefits to veterans living with devastating injuries sustained on the battlefield. 

The dogs’ companionship, Franken said, provides invaluable health benefits — both physical and emotional — to veterans suffering from debilitating injuries and psychological disorders. The service dogs will help “reduce the suicide rate among veterans, decrease the number of hospitalizations, and lower the cost of medications and human care,” he said.

Franken’s legislation was inspired by a meeting he had last January with a wounded former Iraqi intelligence officer and his golden retriever, “Tuesday.”

“Service dogs like Tuesday can be of immense benefit to vets suffering from physical and emotional wounds,” wrote Franken.

Franken said service dogs typically cost about $20,000 to train and another $5,000 to place with a veteran — a cost that is well worth the investment, he said.

“It is my strong belief that a service dog will more than pay for itself over its life, and my bill is designed to determine the return on investment with a pilot program that provides service dogs to hundreds of veterans,” said Franken.

Click here to read more on this story from the Star Tribune.