Cripple’s Lament

    “they say I'm alienated from reality
    as if I had the power to decide life”

                    —Sanni Purhonen

They say I’m blind and should trade my eyes
For jellyfish—or just be a coral in darkness

They say I’m nothing more than the wind enraged

For cover, in polite society they say I’m like them
But they don’t invite me to the grand reunion

They say its written someplace I’m the match end

When I was a small I carried
A dead pocket watch

I thought how one day I’d have a clean reality

They say I’m a dry season

They change their minds: I’m a rumor of tears

They talk like men drunk on silver

They say I’m a poor infinity

I’m not afraid of anything

Today, Just a Man…

“I used to be purple but now I am pink,” wrote Kenneth Koch. I used to be a disabled child but now I am a disabled man. I’ve yet to achieve pink. I guess you could say my insides are like a sea wall covered with spiny anemones. I climb it. It’s just behind my face. Somehow I never get stung.

Either/or I am darkness descending
Or giving way
So morning is clear
Today, just a man
Walking with shadows in him
And no one knows how it will be
Or if our five senses
Will ever rise

Disability and the Onion

The skin of the onion is the measure of his glory. But his skin is imperfect, a humiliation, a hundred layers of anguish. The onion is a kind of library, an archive of failures. Explore. Peel away the layers. See Aristotle waving five roses at sunrise. See Cain who goes on killing Abel. See Algebra. See the coins of Silesius. Damned if you can’t see everything. This is a sufficient way of knowing, immortal. Say whatever you want.

Making Peace

I try to believe I’m not afraid of anything, I’m making peace
with
ghosts all the time

            —Sanni Purhonen

schoolteacher ghost
you didn’t like me

that is, the school room was a box
of hot indignities

a kind of pornography, really

making the blind child recite
handwriting on walls

I suppose you thought it was fun

we all know intelligence
provides the exact names of things

today I can tell you
there’s an exact moment
when everyone goes ahead

without sight

After a Night at the Comedy Club

I agree with Lorca, two has never been a number
But merely anguish and sorrow

**

Let the mathematicians eat in darkened rooms
Weeping into their soup

Yes I think that’s right

**

If I go on in this way I’ll birth a goddess from my forehead
And she’ll be a real bitch

**

I agree also with Lorca that the dead spend their time
Gobbling up their own hands

**

Yes that was me—picking mushrooms
Singing songs by Blake

**

“How lucky Kabir is, that surrounded by all this joy
he sings inside his own little boat.”

Excerpt From
Kabir
Robert Bly

**

I like my mistakes more than my triumphs
They’re loyal

**

Right down to DNA
Ice is my country

**

I love it when Lorca says
This is not death, it is a fruit stand

The Truth About Taxicabs and Ride Shares and Disability

I’ve been blind all my life and have traveled with guide dogs at my side for the past thirty years. Since guide dogs are trained to watch for traffic and take evasive maneuvers to avoid danger, my dogs have opened up limitless horizons for me, enabling me to travel across the globe. And I have: from Helsinki to Milan; San Francisco to Miami. But there are places I can’t go despite laws which say I can—for even though service dogs are permitted everywhere the public goes, taxi cabs and ride share services often discriminate against me.

There are very few service dogs in the United States. The number is likely somewhere around 30,000 when one includes dogs trained to assist with all kinds of disabilities and not just blindness. The odds of meeting a service dog team are not high. I like to say we’re the few, the proud, the canine-human equivalent of the Marines. We’re exceptionally trained. How many times have I been in a restaurant with my dog lying still under the table only to have other customers remark with pleasure and admiration when we get up to leave. They say: “I didn’t know there was a dog under there! That’s amazing!” A service dog is not just polite, it knows how to be an ambassador for the distinction of working dogs everywhere.

So wha’t with the cabs and ride shares? The drivers pull up, see the guide dog and drive away. Or they roll down their windows and complain loudly that they won’t take a dog. When I say its a guide dog and its allowed in their vehicle by law, well, you guessed it, they drive away. This has happened to me dozens of times over the years. Sometimes I ask a stranger on the sidewalk to flag me a cab and open the door and then I jump in. Sometimes I report the ride share driver to the head office. But nothing stops the discrimination.

Wheelchair users also face ride refusals. This has lead me to understand that the problem isn’t the dog at all. It’s the stigma associated with disability. In his famous book “Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity” Erving Goffman reminds us that deviant physicality has a long history: “The Greeks, who were apparently strong on visual aids, originated the term stigma to refer to bodily signs designed to expose something unusual and bad about the moral status of the signifier. The signs were cut or burnt into the body and advertised that the bearer was a slave, a criminal, or a traitor—a blemished person, ritually polluted, to be avoided, especially in public places. Later, in Christian times, two layers of metaphor were added to the term: the first referred to bodily signs of holy grace that took the form of eruptive blossoms on the skin; the second, a medical allusion to this religious allusion, referred to bodily signs of physical disorder. Today the term is widely used in something like the original literal sense, but is applied more to the disgrace itself than to the bodily evidence of it.”

People like me represent signs of physical disorder and even though our dogs are cute we’re to be avoided. I’ve come to realize its not the dog that’s the problem its my own physical presence. Yes, I now believe the drivers who refuse me would happily take the dog and leave me behind.