Iowa Coach Sells Soul to Devil

 

Herky Hawkeye

 

 

Iowa City

The University of Iowa ’s football team had an inexplicable turnaround on Saturday in their game against Indiana. Despite lackluster play and numerous mistakes, Iowa had a supernatural comeback against the Hoosiers, all after an instant replay ruling overturned an obvious Indiana  touchdown late in the 3rd quarter. Fans at Kinnick Stadium watched as Iowa picked off a pass that actually hung in the air like a piñata, then saw hyper reality take over as the Hawkeyes scored 28  points in the game’s final 15 minutes. “Something happened,” said Ernest Dumpster, a honey dipper from Dubuque . “That was some weird shit, and believe me, I know shit.”

The explanation has to do with Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz who, according to insiders who asked to remain unnamed, sold his soul to the Devil during a television timeout late in the 3rd quarter. Ferentz was unavailable for comment but a team insider said that a cloven hooved, humpbacked and be-horned goat-like creature with a face like former U.S. President Bill Clinton was seen escorting Ferentz into a gray van with just minutes remaining in the timeout.

Dag Darkling, a professor at Union Theological Seminary says that the game’s final score, Iowa 42 and Indiana 24 is the proof of Satanic forces being involved. “42” can be added into six, and so can 24, so that’s 66 and Iowa had five interceptions and a fumble so that’s another 6. And everybody knows what that means.”

“It’s the Devil’s odor that’s a real giveaway, he smells like burning glee,” said Darkling.

Autumn Will Get You if You Don't Watch Out

Now Halloween is over I think of autumn itself. “La Belle Dame sans Merci”–the season of language strange. Autumn who speaks the patois of the dead, who learned it from discarded long playing records, who waits for customers to depart the used clothing shops. Now she begins in earnest. Leaves fall during the night. In the morning the trees are bare. The sky settles for winter with a fast withering of fast clouds of fast grayness. Autumn with her wild eyes…

O Autumn will get you. She’ll make you hear old songs. You’ll hear them again as you fall asleep. The same songs you heard as a child when the old folks turned out the lamp. Autumn does these things though she doesn’t speak.

O the old familiar faces go.

I had been laughing. Autumn knocked.

The season is bound to traverse us.

 

S.K.

The Blogger's Life

(with apologies to Samuel Johnson)

When first the blogging-rolls received his name,

The young enthusiast quits his ease for fame;

Through all his nerves the promise of renown

Sparks with glory–he’ll have a place in town;

O’er Huffington’s or Beast’s his labor’s spread,

And Cyber’s mansion trembles o’er his head.

Are these thy views? Proceed, industrious youth,

And Labor guide thee to the throne of Truth!

Yet should thy soul indulge the spurious heat,

As evidence replies with long retreat;

Should Ardor steal thee with brightest ray,

And pour on misty doubt resistless day;

Should no false Readers lure to loose delight,

Nor Praise relax, nor Difficulty fright;

Should tempting novelty thy cell refrain,

And Sloth effuse her opiate fumes in vain;

Should Beauty blunt on fops her fatal dart,

Nor claim the triumph of a lettered heart;

Should no Disease thy torpid veins invade,

Nor Melancholy’s phantoms haunt thy shade;

Yet hope not life from grief or danger free,

Nor think the doom of man reversed for thee:

Deign on the passing world to turn thine eyes,

And pause awhile from blogging, to be wise;

There mark what ills the blogger’s life assails,

Toil, envy, want, the linkings, and the wails.

See readers slowly wise, and meanly just,

To buried merit raise the tardy bust.

If dreams yet flatter, or again attend,

Hear sordid life, and Nobility’s end.

 

S.K.

Teach Me Dear Bird

Shelley: “Teach me half the gladness

   That thy brain must know…”

I thought today for the good of us all let us be Romantic poets–even if you live in Brooklyn;

Perhaps you live in Baghdad. God Almighty may you stay Romantic. Brother & Sister. May you hope that the birds have joys to share.

Surely flight is a harmonious madness.

& these last few weeks, autumn coming, I’ve been walking under the alder trees

Seeing birds for the first time in my life–seeing them risen, updraft, sincerest laughter, sincerest laughers…

Against them, and thinking of Shelley

One sees the jarring and inexplicable frame

Of this wrong world…

God Almighty may you stay Romantic. Brother & Sister.     

 

S.K.

I Was a Normal Person Once, Sort Of, Well, Not Really, But a Crip Can Dream, Right?

A friend writes that my post about going out on Halloween dressed as a normal person is really funny, then adds: I was a normal person once. That got me to thinking about having a normative identity for though I’ve never been a normal person, what would I have been like had fate been otherwise? I’m forced to conclude that I would have been a real jerk. I know exactly what kind of jerk I’d have been. Yep. The fantasma-normal version of me would have been a grade A asshole.

Flashback: junior year of high school. Partially sighted. A friend tells me I should try out for the track team. The coach sez I’m too blind. Let’s me practice for a week. Gives me a uniform and sweat suit. Then, one day as I’m walking home a car pulls up at the curb. The coach is driving. Its a “Driver Ed” vehicle. He has four of my classmates in the car with him. The coach leans out the window and tells me I have to give back my uniform; announces I’m too blind to be on the team, etc. And the four guys snicker. And yes, I went home and cried alone in my curtained attic cloister. I still remember how alone I felt. God, how lonely I was.

If I could have been a sighted teenager I’d have been a thug. A kind of Robin Hood thug. I’d have let the air out of the coaches tires. I’d have pulled fire alarms and run like hell for the sheer glory of it. I’d have climbed a flag pole and refused to come down, like Jonathan Winters. I’d have driven around in a car with chicken wire for a windshield delivering stolen pies to the elderly. In short I’d have been me but sighted. And I’d still have been lonely. There’s nothing you can do about loneliness except keep moving. So I’d have moved faster perhaps. I’d have been a cross between Groucho and Speedy Gonzales. I’d have stolen and run but always on behalf of the lonely and the shut ins.

I know for a fact I’d never have been a back seat snickerer in a car driven by a smug high school track coach.  

 

S.K.

Are There No Prisons, Are There No Workhouses?

Why are “these people” still out in public? Do something about it! Get them back in their asylums for God’s sake! Otherwise we’ll be forced to fix the damned sidewalks!

Excerpted article from USA Today via The Inclusion Daily Express:

 

Sidewalks Become Battlegrounds
(USA Today)
October 27, 2009
JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI– [Excerpt] The nation’s crumbling sidewalks have disabled residents taking their wheelchairs to the streets, a potentially dangerous practice that has cash-strapped cities and disability-rights advocates at odds over how to fix the problem.

Cities across the nation are dealing with eroding sidewalks that do not meet standards set by the Americans with Disabilities Act. Under the ADA, state and local governments cannot discriminate against the disabled in providing “services, programs or activities,” including access to sidewalks.

Although there are no specific statistics on the number of accidents involving wheelchairs in streets, according to the U.S. Department of Transportation’s Fatality Analysis Reporting System, disability was a factor in 617 pedestrian traffic fatalities last year.

Disabled residents here take their lives in their hands getting from point A to point B, says Scott Crawford, a disability-rights advocate.

Entire article:
Sidewalks become battlegrounds

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2009-10-25-sidewalks_N.htm

 

S.K.

Look Me in the Eye Department

The excerpted article below comes to us from The Inclusion Daily Express. Our nation gleefully supports the bailout of Wall Street fat cats but shuts down vital services for the poor and elderly and the developmentally disabled. This is because they no longer teach civics in junior high. It’s also because thirty years of Reaganite obfuscation has scored the intelligence of politicians, rendering most elected officials nothing more than Social Darwinists.

 

S.K.

 

Hundreds Rally For Reversing Budget Cuts
(Columbia Flier)
October 26, 2009
ELLICOTT CITY, MARYLAND– [Excerpt] Pam Matheson spoke at a community rally Thursday night from her wheelchair, her 39-year-old adopted son at her side in his wheelchair.

“Matthew has wanted all his life to be a regular guy,” she told several legislators and more than 250 people who had crammed into Ellicott City Assembly of God Church to protest state budget cuts to developmental disabilities programs.

“He hated being at Rosewood [Center] and they’ve closed it, but now they’re decimating community services,” she said, referring to the $30 million in cuts made since July 1.

“Matthew was given the right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness,” she said directly to state legislators seated in the front row. “Look Matthew and his peers in the eye and tell them why you’re taking their services away.”

Matheson was one of 17 speakers, some of them with development disabilities, to offer emotion-filled testimony about losing or not having programs they desperately need.

Entire article:
Cuts to programs for developmental disabilities protested

http://www.InclusionDaily.com/news/2009/red/1026a.htm
Related:
Advocates for disabled protest (Baltimore Sun)

http://www.InclusionDaily.com/news/2009/red/1026b.htm

Disability and Halloween

Chief Justice John Roberts

 

In an effort to be truly scary this year I’m going to Halloween parties as a Normal Person. There’s nothing scarier than a Normal Person and if you’ve ever seen a photo of a fully performative “NP” you know exactly what I’m talking about. (Chief Justice John Roberts of the United States Supreme Court comes to mind–he looks a lot like a “Ken Doll” and he has that wry little “NP” smile that suggests all is well in “NP World” and by God if you don’t think all is well in NP world you should get your head examined. (Yep, that’s all conveyed by a smile. That’s one of the secret powers of the “NP” tribe.)

Of course there are hundreds of horrifying things about NPs. Here’s a brief list:

  • Their shoes. Normal People have really scary shoes. Sometimes they’re called “Bankers Bullets” but whatever you call them they’re shiny as armadillos and the collective unconscious knows that such shoes date from the Spanish Inquisition.
  • Their conversation. NPs say stuff like: “Let’s recalibrate.” Or: “As it was in the beginning.” Lordy! Is that Scary!!!
  • Their book shelves. “Cookouts for Dummies” and “How to White Wash” are standard.
  • Their beliefs: NPs believe in the omnipotence of health and believe that their survival is assured by the lives of others. This is of course the scariest thing of all…

Let others rattle as skeletons or carry on as pirates. I’m going to scare the bejeezus out of people.

Ding Dong! “Oh my God! It’s a Normal Person! What festering cruelty is responsible for this?”

 

S.K.

Wrong Numbers

 

Image of a black desktop telephone

 

Andrea Scarpino

Los Angeles

 

When I lived in Columbus, Ohio, I used to get phone calls and messages pretty regularly from an elderly-sounding woman looking for “Bernadette.” No matter how many times I explained that Bernadette doesn’t live at this number, the woman kept calling, sometimes talking with me directly, sometimes just leaving messages on my answering machine. In time, I started to wonder about Bernadette, where she lived, how she knew the woman who called, if she had given the caller the wrong number on purpose to avoid her calls. When the calls eventually stopped, I found myself worrying about both Bernadette and her caller, worrying that maybe one of them had died. In a strange way, these two women I never met had become my friends.

In the past several months, I’ve received a new spate of calls for “Clyde,” mostly from collection agencies and banks. Fifth Third Bank, which is headquartered in Ohio is especially tenacious, calling Clyde about some recent activity on your account dozens of times even though I’ve told multiple agents that I don’t have a Fifth Third account and am not named Clyde.

The first couple of calls, I just found annoying. But after weeks of messages at 6am, return calls, begging agents to take my number off their account, and sometimes three or four messages a day, I find myself feeling more and more protective of Clyde. I have no idea why Fifth Third is trying to reach him, but I assume it’s because his accounts are overdrawn or he hasn’t paid his mortgage—something financially ominous. And their calls have long ago surpassed my definition of harassment. So I find myself worrying about him, worrying that he has other collection agencies actually reaching him, leaving him messages around the clock about his accounts.

And I know it’s silly, but with each additional phone call, I feel more and more like I should do something to help Clyde. Just like I secretly hoped that Bernadette would call one day so we could laugh about the screaming messages her friend left on my machine, I want Clyde to call, to tell me if he gave these different agencies the wrong number on purpose, or if he had my number at one point (it would have been 6 or 7 years ago now) and never updated their files when he got a new number. I want to know if they’re calling because he’s lost his job and has fallen behind on bills, if he has a balloon mortgage, if he lost money in the stock market collapse. I want to know if there’s anything I can do to help.

Strangers, of course, come in an out of our lives all the time and we hardly ever think about them, what they spend time doing, what they eat for lunch. But after someone’s name has been spoken again and again to me on the phone, I’ve found I start to feel an odd intimacy with her. I find myself hoping that Bernadette and her caller are still around and have reconnected over a weekly pinochle game, that Clyde is doing okay and these collection agency calls are a big misunderstanding. And I find myself wondering if once in awhile, we should all call a wrong number just to see who is on the other line, just to connect for a moment with someone totally unexpected and ask about his day.

 

Andrea Scarpino is the west coast Bureau Chief of POTB. You can visit her at:

www.andreascarpino.com

Why American Higher Education Doesn't Believe in Accessibility for People with Disabilities

The stories come to us from every quarter about colleges and universities that remain inaccessible to people with disabilities. Most recently we’ve received the following excerpted article from Minneapolis about the University of Minnesota. But the stories are legion and the breadth of the problem is wide. You can read the Minnesota article below but our aim in this brief post is to examine the matter. Why should this problem exist at all, given the fact that the Americans with Disabilities Act was adopted 19 years ago? What cultural forces or considerations have allowed college administrators to imagine that civil rights guarantees for citizens with disabilities do not affect their campuses? What allows the regents of the University of Minnesota to imagine that silence is an appropriate response to demands from students with disabilities that the U of Minnesota’s buildings must be made accessible?  Above all else, what is the solution to this shameful situation ?

The short answer to the first question is that violations of Title II of the ADA have been poorly enforced by the Department of Justice, a matter that must be resolved promptly. Title II stipulates that older buildings (buildings constructed before the ADA went into effect in 1990) must be made accessible when these buildings are renovated. So for example, if you renovate a lecture hall in an old building you must make the adjacent restrooms accessible and you must renovate the entrances to the building. Title II does not say that the entire building must be renovated all at once, merely the remodeled areas. The framers of ADA had hoped that this sequential approach to renovation would be a palatable directive–its easier and in some cases more cost effective to make old buildings accessible “bit by bit”.

At the University of Iowa where I teach, administrators decided long ago that ignoring Title II is easy. Recent renovations to our student union’s lobby and hotel restaurant were carried out with no provisions to make rest rooms and associated facilities accessible (things like drinking fountains, telephones, signs, fire alarms, and the like). Indeed at the U of Iowa there is no administrative oversight for this matter–bids are posted for building renovations without any call for accessibility modifications. The building in which I teach, the so-called “English-Philosophy Building” has been renovated from basement to the top floor and it still has no accessible restrooms. Ignoring Title II is easy.

What’s interesting is the degree to which the experience with Minnesota’s regents (who simply have not responded to student requests to make the campus accessible) is replicated “to a T” at Iowa. The apparent prevailing assumption by administrators in higher education is that calls for accessibility are inconvenient and that silence is the best policy. Why not? The Department of Justice has a limited record of ADA enforcement in higher education. While there are cases in which the DOJ has steeply sanctioned colleges and universities for ADA violations (most recently Colorado College and the University of Michigan, both of which had to pay heavy fines and endure embarrassment) these are infrequent incidents. One can fairly imagine academic administrators saying: “Maybe these students or faculty will just go away?”

This matter leads us back to question 2:  what cultural assumptions allow administrations at colleges and universities to imagine that the ADA doesn’t apply to their institutions? We cannot imagine that the University of Minnesota would post signs designating “Whites Only” facilities or signs that say “Colored Entrance”. And yet there’s a cultural “pass” for operating entirely inaccessible academic facilities for “those disabled people”. What assumption or set of assumptions makes this scandalous business possible? Surely having inaccessible buildings is bigotry and surely it’s illegal? Well, yes, it IS illegal. But administrators imagine that this isn’t bigotry at all. The cultural problem is that many college administrators conceive of disability as being somehow separate from the issue of campus diversity, preferring to think of accessibility within the framework of what we might call an old fashioned rehabilitation model of disability. By old fashioned we intend to suggest a Victorian inheritance: this model holds that people with disabilities are public exceptions, rare outside of their asylums and special hospitals, and when they show up in the village square they are only provisionally in public–why, don’t they have attendants or other people to look after them? Isn’t this the way it’s always been? Aren’t people with disabilities quite rare out here in the mainstream? Surely we can continue to think of them as rare exceptions to our body politic? And by extension, surely someone else, some specialized rehabilitation person will take care of the poor unfortunate disabled person who has somehow strayed onto campus? Isn’t there some office that looks after them?

The noted scholar of disability studies Lennard Davis writes in his book Bending Over Backwards a trenchant overview of the academic relativism that consigns disability to Diversity’s basement and argues for the critical importance of disability studies in higher education:

“The fact is that disability disturbs people who think of themselves as nondisabled. While most liberals and progressives would charitably toss a moral coin in the direction of the lame, the blind, or the halt, few have thought about the oppression committed in the name of upholding the concept of being “normal.” Consequently, one of the major tasks of this new field is to determine why this “fact” of disturbance exists, is accepted, and is promulgated. Disability scholars want to examine the constructed nature of concepts like “normalcy” and to defamiliarize them. David Pfeiffer writes that “normal behavior is a statistical artifact which encourages people with power and resources to label people without power and resources as abnormal.”’° Rosemarie Garland Thomson coins the term “normate” to make us think twice about using the term normal: “The term normate usefully designates the social figure through which people can represent themselves as definitive human beings. Normate, then, is the constructed identity of those who, by way of the bodily configurations and cultural capital they assume, can step into a position of authority and wield the power it grants them.”’

Normates thus enforce their supposed normality by upholding some impossible standard to which all bodies must adhere. To further demystify such terms, disability activists have called attention to the routine ways in which language is used to describe people with disabilities. Such activists refer to themselves as “crips,” as in the video documentary by David Mitchell and Sharon Snyder called Vital Signs: Crip Culture Talks Back, and choose words like gimp, geek, deaf and blind over more polite euphemisms. Expressions like “confined to a wheelchair” are being replaced by the more active “wheelchair user.” And expressions that use impairments metaphorically to convey a negative sense–such as “a lame idea,” “turn a deaf ear,” or “morally blind”–are being seen as the equivalent of racial epithets. This obsession with being normal has a history, as I attempt to show in my book Enforcing Normalcy)2 The use of the word normal in reference to physical bodies appeared in English merely one hundred fifty years ago, coinciding with the birth of statistics and eugenics. Before the nineteenth century in Western culture the concept of the “ideal” was the regnant paradigm in relation to bodies, and so all bodies were less than ideal. The introduction of the concept of normality, however, created an imperative to be normal, as the eugenics movement proved by enshrining the bell curve (also known as the “normal curve”) as the umbrella under whose demanding peak we should all stand. With the introduction of the bell curve came the notion of “abnormal” bodies. An
d the rest is history, inclu
ding the Nazis’ willing adoption of the state-of-the-art eugenics funded and developed by British and American scientists, as Martin Pernick points out in The Black Stork.13 The devastating result was the creation of procedures for exterminating deaf and disabled people, procedures which were later used on the Jews, gypsies, and other “degenerate” races. But the Nazis were only the most visible (and reviled) tip of an iceberg that continues quite effectively to drive humans into daily frenzies of consuming, reading, viewing, exercising, testing, dieting, and so on–all in pursuit of the ultimate goal of being considered normal.

Disability studies demands a shift from the ideology of normalcy, from the rule and hegemony of normates, to a vision of the body as changeable, unperfectable, unruly, and untidy. Philosopher Susan Wendell sounds a clarion call that in the end provides a rationale for the disability perspective: “Not only do physically disabled people have experiences which are not available to the able-bodied, they are in a better position to transcend cultural mythologies about the body, because they cannot do things the able-bodied feel they must do in order to be happy, ‘normal’ and sane …. If disabled people were truly heard, an explosion of knowledge of the human body and psyche would take place.”4″

–from Bending Over Backwards by Lennard J. Davis, New York University Press, p. 24

We can argue that “the body normal” is still culturally of considerable importance in administrative circles within American higher education. That disability clouds the picture is entirely understandable. Disfigurement is a terribly problematic matter if the goal on campus is simply to look good (whatever your social background).

Academic accommodations for learning disabilities, special provisions for assistive technologies or note taking or the like are still, to this very day, unconsciously imagined by many administrators and faculty as being somehow a matter of cheating the system.

That accessible facilities are not part of the cultural capital of Normates should not be surprising given the historical exclusivity of higher education. But that the problem of ADA compliance remains IS surprising especially in a time when we are seeing wounded veterans returning to colleges and universities in the greatest numbers since the years following World War II. Clearly its time for the Department of Justice to demand compliance with the ADA in higher education. And its time for regents, trustees, college presidents, and faculty senates to demand that their campuses be audited for accessibility and adopt serious plans for reaching accessibility goals.

The final question and perhaps the most important one is to ask how a college or university can be culturally inclusive for people with disabilities, a matter that if answered properly will take away the embarrassment and distress of having to ask for simple acceptance within the academic community.

 

The following article was excerpted by The Inclusion Daily Express.

 

Students With Disabilities Fight For Equal Access On Campus
(Minnesota Daily)
October 21, 2009
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA– [Excerpt] For student Rachel Garaghty , Scott Hall’s doors are always shut.

University of Minnesota building Scott Hall has multiple stairways and lack of ramps that make it inaccessible for students with mobile disabilities, including those using walkers, canes or, like Garaghty, wheelchairs.

Areas of study located in Scott Hall include American studies, American-Indian studies, African-American and African studies and Chicano studies.

The Disabled Student Cultural Center (DSCC) is lobbying the Board of Regents to put funds toward making Scott Hall accessible to all students on campus — including those with disabilities.

DSCC has approached the board with the issue of Scott Hall accessibility for the past three years, most recently one year ago, but each time received no action, said Garaghty, DSCC’s former programming co-chair and current graduate student,.

Entire article:
Students with disabilities fight for equal access on campus

http://www.InclusionDaily.com/news/2009/red/1021b.htm

 

 

S.K.