Went to the woods.
Met King of the Wild Turkeys.
He was having trouble with lice, but otherwise he was fit.
Said that the stump god told him of big festival upcoming:
"Jamboree of Decay"
Wild Turkeys not invited.
"Gotta be truly decayed for festival," Turkey King said.
"Whaddya gonna do?" I asked.
"First, we’re gonna boycott straw and hay," he said, wiggling his fancy red neck tie.
"When people think "Wild Turkey" they think "straw and hay"" he said.
"So we’re not going to do the wild dancing in decaying vegetative matter any more."
"Then what?" I asked.
"We will only dance on sand, which as you know is still friendly to turkeys and all other fowl."
"Will you spy on the Festival of Decaying Things?" I persisted.
"No," said Turkey King, "That’s how they trick you into being inanimate like them. You gotta keep your wits out here in nature."
Planet of the Blind 
Vidal’s a natural.
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