I was walking in the rain when it came to me: the umbrella was probably the first ever disability accommodation. Now stay with me: a hat is just a status symbol—"always was"—kings wore hats and papal retainers, etc. Roman centurions…But the average ancient schmuck didn’t have a hat. (Have you ever seen a picture of a caveman with a hat? I thought not.)
So let’s say that for the majority of human kind’s time on earth only .0005 percent of the tribe had headgear. This is a conservative estimate. There should probably be another couple zeros in there.
As always, there’s an argument about who first invented the umbrella. There’s usually a dispute about the origins of anything that’s held dear by the citizenry. The Russians claim to have invented baseball long before Abner Doubleday. Everyone knows that the Chinese invented pasta but no one knows why they invented it since they didn’t have Romano cheese. I digress…
Throughout most of human history the vast majority of people have had to walk places in the rain and without hats.
Think about it: the umbrella (which was probably first constructed from a failed attempt to make bagpipes…) was the first "thing" that made up for a human design flaw. Unless you were the king or the pope or a Roman centurion you weren’t born with a hat.
Like all reasonable accommodations the umbrella inconveniences nearly everyone.
Don’t kid yourself. The bumbershoot is our prosthesis.
"Why," you ask, "is walking hatless in the rain a disability?"
Because it causes uncontrollable mumbling and direction loss.
Of course if you have to ask the question you need to get out of the castle more often.
S.K.
On this cloudy day I am heading from my castle to the gym — sans bumbershoot. Watch out for mumbling.
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