Like everyone I’ve decided I need a spring outfit. Something cheerful to the eye. In this way I am thinking of my fellow citizens. I’m thinking of their eyes. What will lift their spirits? Make them feel young, coltish, have them gambol by the river?
What shall I wear? First I think a new spring hat is in order.
In a kitchen store I find a spaghetti strainger made of aluminum with a couple hundred little holes. I take it home and put tinfoil wrapped Q-Tips in every hole. Its a lot like reading Braille. Soon I have a wonderful space age topper with glittering ex-cephalic dendrites stretching toward the sun. Its perfect for spring.
For a shirt I’ve chosen a serapemade from a hundred store bought bread wrappers. Wonder Bread works best. Red, blue and yellow dots all over and words too. Words like poly-sorbate 80 and partially hydrogenized particulate matter. I’m a poet from the shelf life school! I’m vertiginous as Charles Dickens writing another happy ending. So what the bread wrappers are a bit hot? Its no different than living in Tucson in July.
Pants? Nah. I’ll wear my uncle Mert’s tartan plaid swim trunkswith the attached telephone lineman’s toolbelt. (His boat you see was always in danger of sinking.)
I think this will get me started.
Anyway its really spring in Iowa. Yesterday a bumble bee about the size of a baseball followed me as I made my way down the sidewalk outside the library. He had a little spaghetti strainer on his head and these cute little tartan shorts.
S.K.
Planet of the Blind 