Would it help you to know that I am now the meanest man in Iowa? Here in this cafe where the locals are so very nice, here, where the kids stand in line politely awaiting their double shot caramel lattes and all to the strains of country music; smiles, all smiles, all smiles, here I am, fresh from the Hawkeye Barber Shop with a supremely mean haircut.
Yes. I decided this morning to get myself some snarling hair. I told the barber to make me look like the king of foreclosure, a banker who sees homelessness in the still faithful eyes of his hapless borrowers–yep, I demanded slick, foreclosure hair and now I’ve got it. Every strand of my coiff has a poisonous fang. Don’t touch me, I’m a real live wire. My hair will give you an “owie”!
Screw country music. Screw Disney.
My Medusa-esque scrubby tonsure jumps like wild fire. Screw the candy makers and the manufacturers of welcome mats. Down with them all!
Thinking of mean and truthful books, have you ever read Ariel Dorfman’s How to Read Donald Duck?
Well, that’s a superb book to be sure. I think its best if one reads it alongside The Magic Kingdom by Stanley Elkin which to my mind is the finest treatment in fiction of the cruel subterfuge that is Disney. My hair snarls: Its a small world after all…
Screw these shorts that reach to a man’s knees.
Screw fantasy baseball.
Screw your hot pink cell phone and its accompanying corporation tee shirt.
How tenderly Mr. Duck loans you the money. His Uncle has your fingerprints on file.
Today I have mean hair. It does not matter my heart still leaps up for poetry.
S.K.
Planet of the Blind 
Steve,
Wish I could see the hair. I can’t make much of a statement with my bald head, but I will tell you the Disney that Elkin wrote about is alive and well in Orlando. I’ve lived here for 1 1/2 years now. Karma is doing well. I LOVE teaching. Keep the faith my friend!
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Any chance we can see a photo of that mean hair cut? I was in Iowa once for a few days. As a typical New Yorker, by the time I crossed the border I longed for rude over aggressive people. How can so many be so nice?
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