Seeing Above Blindness

I am writing tonight from a place of tears and joy and still contained within a wild, hundred yard complexity of symbolic and personal ironies. Today I received a pair of glasses which, in accord with the artificial lens that was implanted in my left eye on May 22, 2009 allows me to see better than 20-75 which means that I am no longer legally blind. Oh Admirable MIranda! To behold a world wherein such creatures may reside. Here I am, today, at 54 and after a lifetime of profound visual disability, "seeing" if not as others see who drive their autos and play championship tennis, well, I'm seeing enough to navigate and appreciate what's before me and in ways that promise joys upon joys. I never and I mean never thought this would happen to me.

I disclose this because I believe that blindness may be conquerable in our lifetimes and because my own story, small though it might be, betokens a new generation of ophthalmology–one that champions low vision as an achievement, and in turn conceives of useful vision as a triumph. This sensibility is not yet universal but it's the ars poetica if you will here at the University of Iowa's excellent Ophthalmology Clinic.  

In the world of poetry we know that song clarifies writing so long as they stick together. I'd add to this that something like seeing clarifies the brain's desire to see. This is a complex neurological utterance but what I mean to say is that in my own case and having known legal blindness as a teenager the restoration of vision and a significant improvement upon what I once knew as vision has left me feeling a wild, uncomprehending, unasked for, nay, even unanticipated music of neurology. I am pouring image upon image, seen far better and hourly better into a brain that never knew these things. And Lo! My experience is a thirst. Not a bafflement of atrophies. A thirst. I want to run into the street like a surrealist poet and shout a verse of green horses and of transcontinental virgin births. Try doing that in your ordinary suburb. But happy I am.

I will doubtless have more to say upon this subject. And yes I'm mindful of the civil rights struggles of people with disabilities and my spirit and politics will always be leavened by a sense, yes, sometimes a strickened awareness  of the injustices and the battles of people with disabilities. I too will remain a person with low vision and with no vision in one eye and whose entire corpus of works and days resides in the fight for disability rights. That's as it should be. This isn't up for grabs as they say in the vernacular.

But today I saw things I've never seen. I saw half way across Iowa City from a tall building. I had no idea you could do that. I had no idea  at all.

And so, having been legally blind I'm now just above that line. I'll have to explain myself on the other side of an abstract line. I'm not ready to give up my beloved guide dog. In fact the ophthalmology people tell me that's a really bad idea. My dog agrees. But I saw some things today. Cars glittering in a parking lot and a far steeple. I'm half in the world of seeing and I am fair amazed.

S.K.

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Author: stevekuusisto

Poet, Essayist, Blogger, Journalist, Memoirist, Disability Rights Advocate, Public Speaker, Professor, Syracuse University

0 thoughts on “Seeing Above Blindness”

  2. What type of lens was implanted in your eye? Was it an implantable telescope? If so, what power? Thanks.

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  5. Wow!! Fantastic! Congratulations!! We are so happy for you! How amazing is it for you to experience this after so long – to thrill at the sight of a far off steeple, and so much more! I imagine you feel exhausted just noticing the myriad of things formerly not seen. You may really connect with Mike May’s account of regaining sight after 40 years in his book, “Crashing Through.” Looking forward to hearing more of your reflections, and “Hooray” for the ophthalmology department at Iowa U!!

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  7. Wow, fantastic, Steve! I can’t wait to continue reading how you continue to process this!
    Yayyyy!!!!!
    Andrea

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  8. Your joy must be almost indescribable Steve. I’m so pleased that you’ve obtained a degree of sight that you never dreamed possible.
    I only finished reading “Planet of the Blind” yesterday. I was astounded to find your blog that same day and learn of your blessing. As a person with a mild neurobiological disability, your struggle with self-acceptance and self-loathing strongly resonated with me. Your spirited struggle for personal acceptance in such profoundly adverse circumstances offers me so much encouragement.
    I look forward to following your future adventures.
    Pax.

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  9. What an incredible, wonderful, amazing thing, Stephen. I’m absolutely stunned — and absolutely delighted for the joy you’re feeling now. What a world, eh?

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  12. Congratulations again and again. I’m crying tears of joy for you.
    The only thing I regret is that I’m not there in person to share your joy. Imagine Tom and me giving you and Connie a big hug, and Ivy dancing around with Nira.

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  14. incredible. i am so HAPPY for you – the small things that you see lead to such a larger vision, don’t they?
    as a disabled person, it drives me crazy when people talk about betraying the disability community, etc. life can be lived in so many different ways – why limit ANYONE?
    bravo!!

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  16. I wish I could figure out a comment that would be the equivalent of me doing cartwheels for you! That’s how happy your news made me. Just know how happy I am for you. Imagine cartwheels!

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  18. I am happy for you! I wonder, however, in the land of hard-core disability politics, if your acquisition of sight would be viewed as a sort of “treason” to disability “culture”…an unfortunate “slip” into cure. It baffles me, this aspect of the community…maybe angers me more. I don’t know what to make of it, but it feels wrong and I hold my daughter close to me in opposition to it.

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  19. This is wonderful news and I am so happy for you! I certainly hope you are right that blindness will be conquerable in our lifetime. I am so thankful that you are experiencing the gift of sight to a greater degree than ever before!

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