It’s clear that in the wake of the Christmas Day attempt to destroy a jetliner the jig is up for your underpants. It is possible that you haven’t given much thought to this and if that’s true I hope you will forgive me for ruining your end of the year reveries. But I believe history will show that 2009 killed undergarments for all who travel. Tighty Whiteys are done; boxers–kaput; panties, thongs, all are doomed. Beginning in 2010 you won’t be able to on a plane unless you’re “going Commando” as my kids would say. Yes and this means that beginning in 2010 America’s mothers will no longer be able to say: “Make sure you have clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.” But I digress. Skivvies are going the way of the Dodo.
Because I’m wearing my Edgar Cayce phenomenological research fez I can also tell you that the prohibition against underwear will start as a choice of sorts. The Transportation and Security Administration will announce that they’re going to buy a vast array of full body scanning machines that will allow security personnel to examine your gonads as you pass through the airport checkpoint. Americans will react with predictable civil liberties concerns, even outrage, and the matter will get tied up in the courts. Meantime the TSA will come up with a cute “Smokey the Bear” slogan like: “If you Want to Travel, You’ll Have to Unravel” or something to that effect.
I have a few other predictions for the new year. I offer them without any ranking. My Edgar Cayce phenomenological research fez is glowing!
1. “Miracle Whip” will be found to produce genuine miracles.
2. Marijuana will discovered growing in the U.S. Senate gymnasium.
3. American colleges and universities will finally get rid of professors and just have the administrators do everything.
4. Chrysler will offer free health care to anyone who buys a car.
Happy New Year!
S.K.
Planet of the Blind 
A few years ago I was one of the lucky ones to get an extra-special searching as I boarded a plan from Las Vegas to Rochester, NY. These goobers took so long that I damn near missed my flight. As I slid into my seat, the young man next to me said, “Cutting it a little close?” “Yeah,” I replied, “I apparently look suspicious.” He chortled mightily, probably because I am a white-haired, white-skinned, non-fez-wearing, 50+ year old grandmother, OK?
I told this young man I certainly could not accuse the TSA of racial profiling.
And if they get their jollies out of giving me a wedgie they are hard up for something to do.
Steve, I know what TSA will do to you, but how will they search Nira? The mind boggles.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night.
— Georgia
LikeLike
I guess I am not very concerned about being seen naked in a machine at the airport. I wonder on what grounds the lawyers are quibbling about privacy issues. What I do see is an issue that the right wants to play as Obama being weak on defense and the left reminding us of the time it took Bush to respond to the shoe bomber in his term.THe left also reminds us that the militants that were let loose by the Bush admin are working as terrorist again. I spend most of my time listening the MSNBC and rarely visit Fox. I do believe in fresh clean underwear. So the TSA is going to give me a wedgie? I wonder if that is enough, can’t one stuff enough explosives up ones behind. That will be one ticket and a anal probe please.
But seriously, the underwear bomber was on an expired VISA and should never been placed on a plane to the USA.
LikeLike
Mother always said that I should wear clean underpants with no holes in them — Happy New Year!
LikeLike