Having the Fantods Does Not Make You a Furvert

Gene Wilder with his blue blanket


The “fantods” refer to having a condition of extreme restlessness or nervousness. Huck Finn used to get the fantods and my Uncle Mert used to get them whenever clouds suddenly appeared on a summer’s afternoon. Perhaps you get them when you have to take an escalator or you see the drain at the bottom of the swimming pool. I get them whenever I hear Dick Cheney’s name.

A “furvert” is someone who is sexually aroused by furry things. One may fair surmise that a true furvert will succumb to the fantods should he or she be deprived of “Mr. Binky” but we are now out of our league and accordingly we are unprepared to make any additional statement at this time. We suspect that Donald Rumsfeld is a perfervid furvert who is susceptible to having the fantods when deprived of “Mr. Binky” but again we cannot prove the point and the entire matter may well be a state secret.   

The finest instance of a fantoded furvert is of course the scene in “The Producers” in which Gene Wilder (as Leo Bloom) is momentarily deprived of his blue blanket by Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock). See link: