As in “who stole it”?–the conventional wisdom’s question, with the predictable answer, “the Frosh Tea Partiers”. Yet few in broadcast or print journalism have bothered to ask precisely what kind of cheese Boehner is reputed to have possessed in the first place. It helps to know what’s supposedly missing. The man’s former fromage is a slogan, one that the people of Cincinnati have heard for years: “I’ve always believed, the bigger government, the smaller the people.” We know that Boehner’s cheese has been laced with tea for over twenty years.
In the Buckeye state Boehner’s cheese is regional. The speaker couldn’t get elected if he lived in Columbus (Ohio’s largest city, look it up) or Cleveland (the state’s poorest city). Boehner’s electorate is an evangelical, neo-Babbitt crowd that looks up the road at prosperous, liberal Columbus with it’s big Commie state U and gets so enraged they don’t notice Boehner is calling them Lilliputians. That’s the dramatic irony of the tea party and it’s the tragic irony of John Boehner, for he’s utterly lazy, he’s read even fewer books than George W. Bush, and over time he allowed himself to believe his locally expeditious campaign slogan.
Boehner couldn’t get elected dog catcher in Columbus. But there he was, two years ago, in ascendancy like Caesar Augustus (who, by the way, also read more books than Boehner) and La! the Frosh was eager to eat Boehner’s cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Washington is a scotch and sirloin kind of town, a matter that the speaker knows all too well.
Boehner was always a small fry regionalist pettifogging hypocrite and suddenly he had to share his entirely ersatz cheddar with rabid people who thought he was the real Wizard of Fromage.
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Planet of the Blind 