Why Dogs Don't Talk: A Philosophical Explanation

 First let’s be clear that dogs can talk, though not all can equally manage diphthongs. (See Chihuahua: glottal anomalies, under “the canine pallet” and in particular the work of the great Wigglesworth).

That dogs may talk, but choose not to, is a matter of 20th century philosophy, for prior to the Edwardian era dogs were loquacious and some were known to recite whole books aloud (See “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”). While the exact moment dogs stopped speaking is hard to pin down, it’s clear that the movement to silence was started by Bertrand Russell’s dog. Despite Russell’s own attainments and subsequent reputation as an analytical philosopher, a vocation marked by exactness, his dog was given to vocal extravagances and sentimentality. The observation: No matter how eloquently a dog may bark, he cannot tell you that his parents were poor but honest (which has long been attributed to Russell) was most likely uttered by his dog. (See “Irish wolf hounds of philosophers, drunkenness, ca, 1912). 

According to Dabney Sty, an amateur historian from East Anglia, Russell’s dog (See “Great dogs of conscience, anonymous”) was troubled by his master’s belief that Hegelian dialectical thinking had ceased to be relevant in the 20th century. Anticipating the “Renaissance” of Marxism, the great man’s dog saw that it was wholly advisable to keep your mouth shut. After the first world war, Carl Jung’s discovery of the “universal unconscious” allowed dogs worldwide to boycott human speech. 

Author: stevekuusisto

Poet, Essayist, Blogger, Journalist, Memoirist, Disability Rights Advocate, Public Speaker, Professor, Syracuse University View all posts by stevekuusisto