Lessons From My Father on His Birthday

By Andrea Scarpino

1. Celebrate. New Year’s Eve, decorating the Christmas tree, on birthdays and Mother’s Day and 4^th of July. But smaller days too: my father turned garage sales into a party, ordering pizza and soda for everyone at lunch, making a trip to Graeter’s Ice Cream at the end of the day to celebrate the trinkets and ties and furniture he and my step-mother sold. When he was a teenager, he treated his cousins at the soda shop every payday.  Even a random Saturday: lunch and dinner in a restaurant, the week’s grocery shopping squeezed between. 

 

1. Give presents. Big and small. A gingerbread house stuffed with flavored popcorn and old-fashioned candy. Teddy bears. Cards filled with exclamation points. Jewelry. When I was in college, bags of fruit and anisette cookies from the grocery store—he washed the fruit for me, divided it into plastic bags. One Christmas, with the help of a personal shopper, he bought my step-mother a leather miniskirt and motorcycle jacket. He loved that purchase—even though she returned it for something more sensible. 

 

1. Laugh. Scream. Cry. No matter: feel life deeply. When my father was angry, everyone knew it—he and my grandmother once threw eggplants at each other in an argument. When he was sad, everyone knew it—the one time I remember being spanked by him (for being mean to my grandmother), he felt so badly that he woke me in the night to apologize and let me come sleep with him. When he was happy, everyone knew it: he laughed wildly, grasped your hand. 

 

1. Get out into the world. Experience it: amusement parks, zoos, colonial forts, strawberry picking, ice skating, trips through China and South Africa, to Hadrian’s Wall, the Vatican, to Bed and Breakfasts just miles from his house, riverboat casinos, parks, museums, antique stores, walks around the neighborhood. The world is huge: go experience it. 

 

1. Work hard. Rest when you can. Listen to the radio. Watch crazy sci-fi on PBS when you can’t sleep. Be kind. Be generous. Help others when you can. Run like hell—always save yourself. Hold grudges when need be. Always speak to children. Give up your seat for a person who needs it more. Fill your home with sweets: flowers, diet soda, miniature candy bars, good tea. Sing every chance you get, no matter how terribly. Read daily. Support political candidates. Make people angry. Be vigilant about doctor’s visits. Use the car horn frequently. Always say yes to Parmesan cheese.