Self Interview Before Dawn


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I jump out of bed declaring I will be at peace with myself. Marvelous error! I am so happy! I have been awake two minutes and have already given away the flag of sensible success. I decide over coffee to give away the stars of mythology throughout the day. “Here friend, here is a star called Eohippus—tiny, horse shaped, filled with light… Of course the secret is—you never say so…never tell people the magic you’re giving them. 

 

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Over the course of a 22 year career in baseball, Ted Williams struck out only 70 times. He was an example of the maxim: “none of us knows what we know”. All that concentration in the batter’s box while the rest of his life was a mess. Each life must decide itself to what it will be applied. Ted never found a tiny horse filled with light. 

 

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Dreamt recently I was in a flood. The architecture was some kind of shopping mall. There was a professor there, a man I haven’t seen in years. He was youthful. He was calm. Outside, with the flood behind us, he asked after my father, calling him by the wrong name, unaware he’s been dead for years, said: “I imagine he’s napping?” 

 

**

 

A light of recognition fills the whole great day. The horse says so.