I’ve lost many friends in this life, some from illness, others from painful experiences. Of the latter I was often the one responsible for the breakup. I was hot headed in my youth.
Nowadays I wish I could repair some of the past damage but not enough to track people down. That’s the stuff of novels and I don’t want to enter the world of unpleasant sentimentality. I certainly don’t want to find that those with whom I once fell out have never developed emotional intelligence. But then I have to ask “how much E.Q. do I have?” The question is a bit like asking “how seasick are you when you’re seasick?” I’m more stable than that man puking over the rail. Then again I’m not feeling entirely well.
OK. I’m lonely. As a disabled child I was also lonely. When I was in my early teens I tried to kill myself. I was lonesome in college. I’m still not feeling entirely well.
Once in awhile you have to interview yourself This is especially true if you had a disabled childhood. A preliminary question: when did you first realize you were a stray raindrop?
The answer should include what you were sensing on the day of your primal loneliness…like Eliot’s objective correlative…I remember as other children mocked me for my blindness there was a blue jay crying out the names of his flock…
Rain journeys road calls bird walks small blind child turns knob on radio…
Planet of the Blind 