I awoke at 5 AM this morning (my last morning in New Hampshire for the summer) to the sounds of a loudspeaker broadcasting from somewhere across the lake. It was a still morning, the kind of stillness that attracts the loons. But now there was some kind of horrible, Reich rally happening in the near town of Gilford. It sounded like a Nuremberg reenactment. (Its still going on as I type.)
My first thought was that some drunks had stolen a tour boat and were erratically plying the lake and calling out intemperately. Then I imagined that some kind of weather related warning was coming from the shore. In any case the amplified syllables were almost clear. But not clear enough to know the true matter. I thought of a simulation device I once saw in a San Francisco museum–it simulated what a cochlear implant sounds like. Buzzing and then some words and then more confusion…
Like most people who find themselves experiencing consternation and who are among companions I did the dishonorable thing and I woke up my sister. Together we went down on the dock and she confirmed my worst suspicions: its a religious rally, a bible thumper’s camp. Its the ghost of Billy Sunday clamoring quite literally from a mountain.
This is not confirmed as of this writing. Perhaps its a convention of wheat lobbyists. Or a gathering of muk-luk wearing anthroposophists.
But my sister’s speculation (based on local history) seems likely.
To which I merely add that Jesus spoke on the mount to those who were inclined to follow him up there. I’m all for Jesus. But I’ll wager that he wouldn’t have sanctioned disturbing the loons. I’m just guessing.
The ubiquitous noise of amplified bible thumping is, as they used to say in the sixties, “a turn off”.
Its a carnival over there on the side of the mountain. Its aggressive, largely thoughtless, intemperate, shrill.
That’s not the church I love.
Good by New Hampshire. I’m going back to Iowa now. I’ll try to remember your piney woods without the insensitive equipment.
S.K.
Planet of the Blind 
Dear Georgia: Well I’ll be dipped! You are right. It was the “Timberman Triathalon” though the pre-triathalon disc jockey started his histrionics at 5 a.m. rather than at 7. I learned what was happening as I was heading across the lake–my friend Jonathan who was driving the boat confirmed that this was the church of long distance exercise as opposed to the Jesus Jumpers. I hope your friend did well.
Steve
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It’s also possible you heard the beginning of the Timberman Triathlon, which started on Lake Winnipesaukee at 7:05 a.m. yesterday. It’s a half-Ironman and my dear writing friend Gretchen Stahlman was one of the participants.
By the way, she’s doing the MFA at PLU and is writing a lot about triathlons. Like how she couldn’t even put her face in the water at the beginning of the year and now is doing about a mile swim in open water.
I’m sorry it disturbed your sleep, but if it was the Timberman, it was my kind of church. If it was revival I’d be ready to slap ’em all upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper. This from a minister’s wife.
Safe travels back to Iowa.
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