Insomnia and the Hats of Sleep

Grand vizier copy

For my blind friends, photo is entitled “Typical Grand Vizier of the Ottoman Empire” and depicts a somber, bearded, richly robed Ottoman judge wearing an immense hat which resembles a dirigible.

 So I have a friend who lives in Port Townsend, Washington. I sent him some news. He wrote me back at 4:45 AM his time. “insomnia,” he wrote. I sent him a picture of the “Grand Vizier” and told him he needs one of these magical hats for sleeping. 

Then it dawned on me: everyone in America needs a hat like this. Let’s be clear. Nothing says big ideas, vast dreams, happiness, and “look at me” quite like an airship atop your head. And look at that hat! Doesn’t it just bespeak dreams? Why if you’re wearing a hat like that to bed, you’re going to dream of the 2,000,000 year old man inside you, or woman inside you, and just as Carl Jung said, you will have some fun with your instincts. 

BTW: what good are instincts if you can’t have some fun with them? 

You wear a hat like this and dream of Zosimos the Greek and your hair turns into feathers. 

I for one would like to see the President of the United States wear a hat like this when he speaks before Congress. 

I’d like to see my faculty colleagues at Syracuse University dress like this as they cross the quadrangle. 

I most certainly want the students to adopt this hat. They need to dream bigger. 

I want people on the IRT in New York to war this head dress. I want to see them getting on and off the trains at rush hour like senescent angels. 

I want to see executives making their ways through revolving doors with their Hindenburg Hats. 

One especially appealing thing about the Grand Vizier’s hat is that it seems to have a condom like receptacle at the top. Who can say what’s contained therein?