How to Save the United States



Everyone knows that the U.S. is in a big hole. In fact this appellation isn’t fair to the rest of the big holes but so be it. Sometimes one has to lean on an old figurative crutch.

Let’s sell our history. The United States has a great history. Let’s sell the whole humongous glockenspiel. Why the hell not? If we don’t want to pay taxes for roads and schools, for clean water and air, for energy self-sufficiency; if we don’t want medical care for our less fortunate, or medical care for our vets; if we don’t care anymore about civil rights for the elderly or people with intellectual disabilities; if all we want is to sit and listen to the creosote lips of right wing radio jockey-jackals–if, as I say these are the operative conditions then let’s finally have a big, fat ass bake sale and be done with the whole thing.

First we can sell off our nation’s sacred constitution and our Declaration of Independence. Then we can get down to real business, sell our national libraries and museums and educational institutions. Why not?

Oh sure, once you’ve sold your artifacts you can never get them back. But really, America is now like one of those sad characters in a Louis Auchinclos novel who must sell the family paintings and nick-nacks. 

Then we can get back to a mild, prosperous catatonia?



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